The Mile High Challenge...

So as many of you may know, I travel quite a bit for work. This means I have to fly quite frequently. Over the years I have learned some good tricks. Today I present you with a challenge. According to the diagram below, which of the open white seats is the best choice? (As always, click on the picture for a larger view.) The choices are explained below the picture...no cheating.

Ok, here are the explanations in no particular order...


14B- Yes, the hot girl is tempting, but this is a bad choice. You are next to the lavatory and there is no girl hot enough to put up with the constant foul smells of 49 other passengers.

12D- No no no. Two frat boys to your left, a non English speaking neighbor, plus a screaming kid in front of you will not make for a pleasant trip.

9A, 9D, 10B and 10D- Nope, Talkers and cell phones and frat boys Oh my. Stay away from these choices.

1B- Ahh, this is tempting, but you don't want to be between this guy's infection and the lavatory. Same goes for 2C. Plus, it's in the front which means you have no leg room and you'll be listening to the political debate to your right.

3C- Loud frat boy and diagonal from a screaming kid. No good.

4C- Nope. Next to the sleeper is nice, but the last thing you want is a foreign language screaming kid to your left.

7A and 7D may look good, but these seats are in front of the exit row and don't recline. Not comfortable at all. Plus you'll be waiting forever for the first time travelers in 6A and B to get off the plane.

11B should be an obvious No by now. Screaming kid, foreign neighbor and in front of two frat boys. You'll be praying for a crash.

6D- You don't want to get stuck with a talker and have to listen to the frat boy on his phone. Plus, the hot chick will be able to see you through the seats so you'll be self conscious of the nerdy movies you were planning on watching on your laptop.

Well here we are, there's only one seat left. I know what you're thinking 3C? With the screaming kid and the foreign person? You're crazy JewBoy! Am I? Here's what you less astute travelers may have missed. Notice 2B, 3A and 4A are all foreign and therefore are surely traveling together. (Trust me, they always do) The screaming kid is clearly with them since it wouldn't be traveling alone. So, you take 3C as a seat, then immediately you offer to switch with 2B, so they can sit with the other person in their group and be closer to the "cute" kid. (This can easily be done with gestures to overcome the language barrier.) Mmmmmm Hmmmmm. Look at you now...Next to the hot chick in a sweet 2nd row aisle seat. You won't have to feel awkward about not choosing to move over to 2C since 2D needs constant access to the lavatory. Plus, there's no one in front of you so you don't have to worry about them reclining into your space. Loud frat boy is far enough away and the ridiculous arguing in 1C and 1D will provide a constant supply of topics of discussion for you and the 2A hottie. And, she'll have to squeeze by you when she needs to use the rest room...Perfect.

The Truth Behind The Facts...

Just as a warning, these are the answers to (and stories behind) yesterday's puzzle. So, if you haven't done the puzzle yet, click here. I put it upside down so it doesn't spoil it if you accidentally look.

Here's the explanation of the answers:

2 Across- Stevie. Although technically Stevie II is a better answer, for this puzzle I felt Stevie was more appropriate and less confusing. Give yourself a bonus point if you know that the name for the full system is Stevie Blu-Ray Vaughn.

4 Across- Stinky Tofu. Yes, that's the actual name for it and it's one of the most popular street food snacks in Taiwan. No matter what you are thinking, I guarantee it's way worse. It's this foul smelling, pungent, deep fried, fermented tofu. I equate it to the aroma of a sweaty gym sock that's been balled up in an old shoe worn by someone that runs marathons in a sewer.

5 Across- Taiwan. Yes, Schnoozle, like most of the things you own, was also made in Taiwan.

6 Across- Wegmans. Obviously. Any grocery store with 6 dedicated groups to it on Facebook totaling over 40,000 members is clearly in a league of it's own. Suck it Kroger, Safeway, and every other store...Except Trader Joe's, I like it there too.

7 Across- Keith. He came with that name. He was a rusty, white, beat up 1990 pathfinder. The girl I bought it from said "We named it Keith cause it looked kind of like an old white dude". I told her my friends called it Keef, cause it was kind of ghetto, she laughed and said her' friends did too. RIP buddy.

9 Across- See through. This goes mostly for any clothing worn by women. (Not fat women.)

10 Across- Snacks and free. I love to snack, especially on free stuff. Double Yum.

1 Down- Jeans and Boobs. This is the outfit that usually follows an appearance of NudieSchnooz. The outfit includes jeans, socks are optional...that's it. Any appearance of Schnoozle wearing this outfit is immediately followed by JewBoy singing "Head, shoulders, jeans and boobs, jeans and boobs" follwed by an attempted molestation...and a slap.

3 Down- Muffin Tops. Named for the place where the muffin explodes from the pan. This is the area of my back and sides that tends to roll over my pants. Also known as Love handles or the spare tire. It's a work in progress.

8 Down- Kiefer. After Keith was tragically killed. I replaced him with Keifer. He's a beautiful Black 1997 Nissan Pathfinder. My dad calls it the Blackfinder.

Pop Quiz!!

Surprise! It's a pop quiz on facts about JewBoy and Schnoozle. Since it's an activity that's about facts....I thought up a new word, yup, a Factivity. Today's factivity will be a crossword puzzle.


Here goes: (click on puzzle for full size, or to print)

If you think you've solved it, send your answers to jmail119@gmail.com. You can email for hints too if you want.

Good Luck!! Answers will be posted tomorrow.