Thursday, September 3, 2009

To the front, to the the back, to the back....

So as I alluded to in my last post, I had a couple of ideas for a shirt and a bumper sticker.

As I mentioned in Mammary Mythbusting, men love boobs. Men also love staring at boobs. Trust me, I know this from experience...lots and lots of experience. In fact, I got caught staring at a set by my mother when she was visiting. (AWKWARD!) We were at Target and the women next to me in line (a new mother...and you know what that means...nice and full) was wearing a tight, thin tank top....and going commando. It was odd, despite the warm weather, she appeared to be very cold...if you know what I mean. My mom called me out and said..."Do you think you could have been a little more obvious?" Whatever...if you're wearing a shirt like that with your high beams lose all right to complain about guys staring at them. Anyway, I digress. I'm pretty confident that women are not a fan of this. So, as a way to repent for my obvious gawking, I designed them this shirt.

While I realize this is only appropriate for a subset of all the women out there, don't worry, I have designs for the others. Canadian and not so well endowed? We could have Eh! cups. As in, Stop staring at my Eh! cups....Eh! Or, for some of the marine loving Mamas, the cups would have a little picture of the guessed it.."Sea Cups". D Cups and above....honestly, it doesn't matter what you wear...we're gonna stare.

Onto my next idea...

I've always loved cars. I've also always really enjoyed driving....and then I moved to Minnesota. Driving here is pretty much my absolute nightmare. I have seen people here do the most unbelievable things. They'll stop at the end of an on-ramp with their signal on and sit there trying to merge onto the 60mph highway. They'll make right turns from the left turn lane. They'll use the shoulder to pass on the right when the left lane is wide open...unreal. However, one of my biggest pet peeves is when you are in the right or center lane of a highway with the lane to your left wide open, and some douchebag comes flying up on your ass and tailgates you. Seriously, WTF? The left lane is wide open. I'd say 7 out of 10 times it's some wanna be tough guy retard. Women are also guilty of this behavior...but slightly less. So, I designed this bumper sticker for the guys guilty of this crime.

I mean, if you drive that way, it's really obvious enough. But, I figure we might as well call a spade a spade. So go ahead, tailgate me. You're just admitting to what all of us already know. Dickhead. For the girls...perhaps a "Tailgate me....if your ass looks fat in those jeans" would be a good one? That might do the trick.

Give yourself a bonus point if you read the title of this post and got the Tootsie Roll song stuck in your head.

You get half of a bonus point if you read the line above this and now have the Tootsie Roll song stuck in your head.

No idea what I'm talking below and wait for 0:36.
Now Dip, Baby Dip!