Monday, November 9, 2009

Thir Dee Won...

Well today was the big day. I am officially 31 years old. Yeah, I agree, pretty old. On my flight to Sacramento last night (longest 3 and a half hour flight ever...ugh) I started thinking about the number 31. So, tonight is going to be an educational look into the number 31.

7 of the months have 31 days.

Baskin and Robbins has 31 flavors.

The average ruler is 31 centimeters long. (yes, if you round up just a hair...but it's more than 30, so it counts)

My waist is 31 inches. (I buy 32 pants cause I like a little extra room)

31 is a prime number.

31 is the country code for the Netherlands.

31 is the atomic number for the element Gallium.

While I agree this is not particularly funny as most of my posts aim to be....with age, comes I thought I'd share a little wisdom with you as some more age comes to me.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Jesus Saves.......And So Can You.....

So I have come up with yet another million dollar idea. The big joke amongst my friends is how I have a knack for saving money on items I you may remember from "Checkout The Savings". Well. I've decided to turn this into a real business. I call it.... Rent-A-Jew.

Here's the idea- You rent me, or one of my other certified J-Card carrying cohorts. You then let us know the item, or service that you are shopping for. We research the item or service using our network of "top secret Jew resources" and find you a better price. Our fee is a mere 25% of the amount of money we have saved you. For an additional fee, we will accompany you to the store if a live face-to-face negotiation is needed.

With Schnoozle's assistance I may expand this business to include Rent-An-Asian. This would be primarily for anyone needing assistance with math, fixing your computer, or learning how to use your new camera. They will come to you....provided that parallel parking is not required.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

After the Fact....

Putting on your turn signal after you have changed lanes is about a useful as wiping your ass before you poop. I know what you just did, I don't need the replay.

Jewbonified--- "I thought next time you could maybe let me know before you cut over into my lane?"

Friday, November 6, 2009

Ups and Downs....

The top or the bottom of an escalator is just about the worst place possible to stop and figure out which way you need to go. (The same goes for those moving walkway things.)

P.S. Let's not leave out the people that stand right in front of the elevator or subway doors blocking the people trying to get out. God that's annoying.
Align Center

Thursday, November 5, 2009

In Good Taste...

If the food you are eating is delicious, please offer me a taste. If it is horrible, please do not. Why do so many people have this completely backwards? "Ewwww....this is gross....taste this." Stupid.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A Tight Squeeze...

Why is it that some women are able to fit a size 14 ass into a size 10 pair of pants, but are completely incapable of getting a 6ft wide SUV into an 8ft wide parking space?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Out of Pocket No More...

So I know I've been "out of pocket" for a while, but no worries, I'm back. I have accumulated some good ideas and material. I'm gonna change it up a little though. The feedback I've gotten is that my posts tend to exceed the attention span of the readers. So, I'm gonna post shorter ones, but more least more often than I have been. In fact, there will be one new one every night this week. Let me know what you think of the new format.

So, here's today's...

A bit of "Wisdumb"-

Don't keep things in your shirt pocket that aren't waterproof. Specifically, toilet waterproof. Any man that has ever leaned over to lift the toilet seat knows exactly what I am talking about.

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

So? What did "Jew" do?

So, I'm sure you're all wondering how the furniture decision turned out. Here's what I did...

I called the first buyer and told him there was a lot of interest in the furniture and that I had several offers for more money than the price we agreed to. I told him that I would still honor the agreement we made, but I would not be at all flexible on price or pick up date/time. He understood and appreciated that I would honor our verbal agreement. He showed up right on time with his older brother and they removed and carried all the furniture to the U-Haul...without scratching or denting any walls or floors. He was no older than about 20 and was moving into his first place....hence the need for the furniture. He thanked me very much and said that he really appreciated that I honored the $200 price. He said he wanted to pay me the extra $100, but didn't get paid till the following Friday, but could bring it to me then. I was very impressed with the gesture, but told him not to worry about it. I said I was happy that I could help out a young guy that was just starting out and he'd get more out of that $100 than I would. All in all, I felt pretty good about it. In addition to that...I'd also like to say that I'm impressed with my circle of friends and readers. Pretty much everyone I talked to said to honor the verbal agreement and not back out on it just for the extra $100.

They say people are judged by the company they I'm thankful that I have friends like that to keep me looking good. :-)

Who would have ever thought I'd write a sappy feel good post on this blog....Ewwww. I'm gonna go wash my hands. Stay tuned for some new bloggings...we'll be back to the funny stuff soon.