Thursday, February 25, 2010

My Breast Idea Yet....

Well, I've done it again. I've come up with yet another incredible idea. There has been a big movement lately for people to eat healthy, natural foods. I think it's fair to say that no food is more healthy, or natural, than breast milk. Now before you think I'm totally crazy...relax, I'm talking about for babies. While I'm sure there are some freakshow adults out there that have a breast milk fetish, that's not where I'm going with this post.

The first year or so of a baby's life is one of the most important for nutrition and growth. It's a well known fact that breast milk is just about the best thing you can feed a baby. This is clearly an untapped market. While many women would like to breast feed, they are either unable, or unwilling to do it. Maybe they can't produce milk, maybe it's too uncomfortable for them, maybe they don't want their bodies to suffer the traumatic effects that breast feeding can cause, maybe they just want to get back to their pre-pregnancy boozing...who cares? The point is, these guilt ridden (or possibly just selfish) are gonna be willing to pay top dollar to give their kids the best. And that's what I'm gonna give them. No more powder from a can for your little loved one...

I'd like to introduce:

Gourmammory Milks
The Only Gourmet, Packaged Breast Milks Available on the Market Today.

That's right, I'm talking about a full line of upscale, gourmet breast milk. Why not? Every other food is coming out in organic, natural versions, why not breast milk? These milks would be from a variety of lactating ladies, all closely supervised (by me of course) to ensure the highest quality of each of the varieties of breast milks. Each variety/vintage would come with a full description of the "donor" and their diet. The initial varieties would include milk from women with the following diets:

  • Meat Eaters
  • Vegetarian
  • Vegan
  • Organic
  • Raw
  • And of course...Kosher
Custom orders can be placed for any combination of the above from women of any age, ethnicity, or lifestyle choice. Applications are also being accepted for donors. Applications that do not include a picture will be ignored.


Anonymous said...

I might be lactose intolerant but sign me up.

Holly said...

Good idea, but it's kind of already being done...There are sites where women can "share" their breastmilk with other moms. They check the donor mom's health and travel history before-hand and then pump it, package it, stick it in with some dry ice, and ship it! No, I haven't done this. Just seen it :-)

Anonymous said...

Where do you get these Ideas? Well I guess I do know where your mind is. I remember that day at Target( I think you actually blogged it.)Let's stick to kid's books and not their diets.