I'm a Poet....and I bet you didn't know it....

I am officially a published author! Yep, you heard that right. A few weeks ago, my company sent out an email to everyone telling them about promotion they are running. They are asking customers to submit their best cost savings story from using our software. The best story wins a prize. I saw the email and thought...I bet I could write a story...in fact, I bet I could even take it to the next level and make it a poem. So I threw together a little poem and sent it to a couple people in the company. Next thing I knew, I got an email back from the Vice President saying he loved the poem and wanted it published on our corporate website in the Breaking News section. Several other "high up" people were in the email chain and all liked it as well.

Fast forward to today....and sure enough, there I am, with my holiday poem..."front and center" on the page. Enjoy! (Click on image for larger view)

Here's the poem.... It's a little techie...but I think most of you will get it.

A Holiday Poem . . . Based on Reality

It’s true. Something very strange can happen to people this time of year. Without realizing it, they are guided toward spreading cheer. Recently, Solution Consultant Jason Suss, based at our Eden Prairie, Minnesota office, found his head filled with an IT holiday poem. He wanted to share his inspiration with everyone, so here it is!

Twas the Day Before . . .

Twas the day before "go live" and everyone knew,
If the code didn't work, their careers would be through.
The code was reviewed and load tests were started,
With every metric precisely charted.

The results came back and they were relieved,
For all of their functional goals were achieved.
Only one final approval to put it in prod,
The manager signed off and gave it a nod.

The final milestone passed, the end was in sight,
The new code would be loaded on this very night.
The files were moved and servers rebooted,
How critical this was, no one disputed.

The servers were up, the new version alive,
The developer got a well earned high-five.
But all of them knew of the true test on the way—
The real end users the very next day.

A voice shouted out, trembling with fear,
"It's 8:00 a.m. the users are here!"
Screens flickered on, the work day had started,
Bringing the new app into territories uncharted.

That's when it happened, their nightmare came true,
All the phones ringing, not just a few.
"It's broken, it's slow,” the end users exclaimed.
IT was speechless and feeling ashamed.

Fingers were pointed with language explicit,
‘Till someone shouted, "So, how do we fix it?”
The manager looked up with a confident glare,
"There's only one thing to do, we call Compuware".

The Rockstars arrived, with laptops in hand,
Reports were created and metrics were scanned.
"We found the issue," Compuware cried.
The manager jumped up, mouth open wide.

"We know that your team all had its theories,
But look at this screen, it's these four SQL queries.
Get rid of the * and add this new string,
We guarantee that will fix everything."

The developer ran off to make all those changes,
The manager handled the financial exchanges.
IT was full of smiles and cheers,
"Thank you Compuware, you saved our careers!"

Fuzzy Thoughts....

It's time for another edition of "Word of the Day"-

Today's word is inspired by the realization I came to today when I looked down at my sweater that was last worn under my fleece lined hooded sweatshirt (that I have affectionately named "Woody the Hoodie).

Lintagious- (Lin-tay-juss) The ability an article of clothing has to get lint all over any other piece of clothing it comes in contact, or even close to.

Used in a sentence- "Oh man, I forgot this white sweater was lintagious...Anyone have a lint roller for my black pants?" (Just for the record, I would never wear a white sweater with black pants...it just illustrated the meaning of the word better)

Hands Free for All?

So, as many of you know, due to the dangers of cell phone usage while driving, many states have made cell phone usage while driving a punishable offense. In order to use a cell phone while driving, drivers must use some type of hands free device. My understanding is that this allows the driver to keep both hands on the wheel. It also helps the driver keep their eyes on the road and not looking away. There are signs all over the place that talk about using hands free devices while driving. Fair enough, I totally support this initiative.

This brings us to my thought of the day. If two deaf people are driving together in a car, should they be allowed to talk to each other? Oddly enough, I haven't seen a "sign" for that...

Thir Dee Won...

Well today was the big day. I am officially 31 years old. Yeah, I agree, pretty old. On my flight to Sacramento last night (longest 3 and a half hour flight ever...ugh) I started thinking about the number 31. So, tonight is going to be an educational look into the number 31.

7 of the months have 31 days.

Baskin and Robbins has 31 flavors.

The average ruler is 31 centimeters long. (yes, if you round up just a hair...but it's more than 30, so it counts)

My waist is 31 inches. (I buy 32 pants cause I like a little extra room)

31 is a prime number.

31 is the country code for the Netherlands.

31 is the atomic number for the element Gallium.

While I agree this is not particularly funny as most of my posts aim to be....with age, comes wisdom....so I thought I'd share a little wisdom with you as some more age comes to me.

Jesus Saves.......And So Can You.....

So I have come up with yet another million dollar idea. The big joke amongst my friends is how I have a knack for saving money on items I purchase....as you may remember from "Checkout The Savings". Well. I've decided to turn this into a real business. I call it.... Rent-A-Jew.

Here's the idea- You rent me, or one of my other certified J-Card carrying cohorts. You then let us know the item, or service that you are shopping for. We research the item or service using our network of "top secret Jew resources" and find you a better price. Our fee is a mere 25% of the amount of money we have saved you. For an additional fee, we will accompany you to the store if a live face-to-face negotiation is needed.

With Schnoozle's assistance I may expand this business to include Rent-An-Asian. This would be primarily for anyone needing assistance with math, fixing your computer, or learning how to use your new camera. They will come to you....provided that parallel parking is not required.

After the Fact....

Putting on your turn signal after you have changed lanes is about a useful as wiping your ass before you poop. I know what you just did, I don't need the replay.


Jewbonified--- "I thought next time you could maybe let me know before you cut over into my lane?"

Ups and Downs....

The top or the bottom of an escalator is just about the worst place possible to stop and figure out which way you need to go. (The same goes for those moving walkway things.)


P.S. Let's not leave out the people that stand right in front of the elevator or subway doors blocking the people trying to get out. God that's annoying.