Come on baby light my....candles.

On the first night of Hanukkah my Schnoozle made for me.....A pizza with pepperoni.

Yum. She made the dough from scratch, made the pizza sauce, covered it in cheese and pepperoni and baked it just for me. Delicious!

This brings us to the first night of Hanukkah, a most joyous occasion. The celebration of the oil lasting not only one night, but an incredible 8 whole nights. It's no knocked up virgin, but we do with what we have. Although in more modern times, it's really turned into a way for Jewish kids to not feel left out on Christmas, when all their non-Jewish friends are celebrating up the wazoo. Why would they feel left out you may ask? Let's do a side by comparison. We'll start with my house and examine traditional "in-house" decorations.

We have a nice tree decorated with gold and silver ornaments and ribbons and crystal icicles, (All meant to symbolize the wealth and riches of my people...it was no accident) and a lame ass crooked Menorah. You should be beginning to see my point. Christmas decorations: a gorgeous tree decorated with ornaments, ribbons, figurines and a star. Hanukkah decorations: a candle holder. Blah.

Christmas 1, Hanukkah 0.

Next, let's look at Outside decorations.

Here's the non-Jewish house on Christmas:

Snowmen, candy canes, lights, garland, trees. Gorgeous.


And the Jewish House on hanukkah:

Christmas 2, Hanukkah 0.


How about music? Let's compare. Here's a very, very condensed list of Christmas songs:

Jingle Bells
Frosty the Snowman
Winter Wonderland
O Holy Night
Holly Jolly Christmas
Silent Night
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
Let it Snow
Little Drummer Boy
Let it Snow
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Feliz Navidad (for our amigos)
Silver Bells
And the list goes on and on...

Let's look at Hanukkah songs:

I have a little Dreidel
Adam Sandler's "The Hanukkah Song"

Christmas 3, Hanukkah 0.

How about presents?

A typical Christmas present:

Now, a typical Hanukkah present on nights 2-8:

Christmas 4, Hanukkah 0.

Finally, let's take a look at something especially near and dear to both Schnoozle's and my heart, Food.

A typical Christmas meal:

My mouth is already watering. Ham with gravy, carrots, crescent rolls...an all out feast fit for royalty.


Hanukkah dinner:

Don't let the picture fool you, that's not a hashbrown, it's a potato Latke. Even dressed up with sour cream or jarred applesauce it's mediocre at best. Yeah, we serve a breakfast side dish as the holiday meal honoring our miraculous history.

Christmas 5, Hanukkah 0.

Well, it appears that this contest between Christmas and Hanukkah was a complete shut out. Sorry Hanukkah. But then again, we always have Passover.