Minnesooooooda, A Primer...

So it's been about two and a half years since Schnoozle and I moved to Minneapolis. It's been a unique experience to say the least. I thought it'd be good to put together a primer for those of you that haven't had the pleasure of experiencing Minneapolis. Here's a few things that
anyone moving to, or visiting Minneapolis should know. There's lots to tell, but this post will focus mostly on language.

Life:

Unless it's July or August, dress warm. The winter is really cold and really long. The Picture above I can only assume is from late June. As I mentioned in a previous post, this is due to us frequently going into weather debt. These sub-zero temperatures can last for weeks at a time and the city pretty much goes into hibernation. However, if in those brief two months of nice weather, you venture out and about and meet some of the locals, here's what to expect...

Apparently, if you grow up here, around the age of 22, you're given a spouse. Then about a year or so later you have a kid or two, get an SUV and live in a house out in the suburbs, except on the weekends when you go to the cabin. It's similar to what happens in LA, except there you've been divorced twice by the age of 25, it's a Porsche, a house on the beach and the perceived ability have odorless bowel movements.

Language:

The primary language here is English, but with a few slight twists. There's two things here; first there are unique words and then there's the pronunciation of words. Here's the most popular ones that you'd need to learn to follow a typical conversation.

Pop- Refers to any carbonated beverage. I realize this varies throughout the country. It's soda in most places, soda-pop in upstate NY, Coke (regardless of the variety, sprite, orange, etc.) in the Southeast and Tonic in the Boston area. Here it's Pop, although I insist on calling it soda...cause I am such a bad-ass rebel.

Spendy- Expensive. Example: The food there is good, but it's a little spendy.

Stoli-Doli's- This describes the act of soaking Pineapples (Dole brand) in Vodka (Stolichnaya), hence the term, Stoli-Dolis, then squeezing the pineapple and using the juice and leftover vodka to make a martini like beverage. Very tasty and a great way to wake up on your kitchen floor.

Pull-Tabs- These are essentially a lottery ticket almost exclusively sold at dive bars. Instead of scratching them off, there are little paper tabs that you pull open to reveal what's under them. If you get three in a row or something similar, you win between $20-$500. It's not uncommon to see huge piles of these at the tables at the bars.

Now we get to pronunciation. These are common words that I've heard everywhere I've lived but pronounced completely different. Kind of like the way New Yorkers butcher the word Coffee.

Root (and also Route)- You may be thinking, "I know that word, it rhymes with flute, cute and toot" Ah Ha! Not here. Here, it rhymes with put, yes, put. That goes for Root beer, Route 100, and grass roots. There's a similar issue with "roof". Here, it does not rhyme with proof, it rhymes with woof, yes, like a dog would do. Weird.

This brings us to my favorite (Well, least favorite I guess):

Karaoke- This word gets totally butchered. Every where else I've lived, it's pronounced Carry-o-key, with the emphasis on the Carry. Here, it's Kro-key, occasionally Ka-Ro-Key. Yeah, almost two complete syllables get lost. Who knows.

So if you ever come out and visit and some 23 year old married couple invites you out cause they could finally get a sitter and suggests a bar on "Rut"55 to get some pull tabs, sing Kro-Key and maybe get a "rut" beer or a pop for her cause she's pregnant again, then mentions that you won't have to worry about it being too spendy, cause they live out in the suburbs, you'll know exactly what they're taking about.